i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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