she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
