i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Do you remember whose house we're in?
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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