As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Randomize
