Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
