Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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