margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
