I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize