Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
