You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Randomize
