it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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