Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌ï¸
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
