I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Randomize
