Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Randomize
