That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Randomize
