He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
