he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
