Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Randomize
