Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
