My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
