I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
