Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
she looked like the before picture.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
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