dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize