So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
