So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Operation Purity has been aborted
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
