I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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