His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
