i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
