my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
