I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
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