Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
