And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
