I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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