The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
