fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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