I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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