i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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