It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Randomize
