i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
