I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
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