Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
