Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Randomize
