Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
