I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
