Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Randomize
