just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Randomize
