She said her name was "party"
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize