Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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