got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
