Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Randomize
