Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
