i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
40s are totally the cure
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
