areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
time to smoke my breakfast
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
