Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
