Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
