All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
that's an acceptable place to lick
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
