therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
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