that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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