the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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