its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
