he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
