i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
