I could have mohawked her pubes.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
