My hand turned me down
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
