he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
