her vagina looked like bernie madoff
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
