I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
