Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
You can't motorboat a personality
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
