Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
