I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
